Close-ish To The Line

I have a friend, we will call him R.

R and I have been decent friends. He was a year ahead of me at college, we partied together, I think we had a class or two together, he's a nice guy, I like him. A lot of my friends are friends with him. He is fun, witty, sarcastic, and someone great to talk to.

About halfway through my senior year we somehow starting talking- a lot. He was one of my go to people for sharing an amusing story or when I needed to vent. And I was somewhat (I think) the same for him. He was getting through a breakup. This went on through my graduation (which I saw him at), the summer, and into the fall.

He started turning into a jerk.

It was kind of slow at first. And I knew it to be his personality. I was expecting it. I was good at getting past it or ignoring it and getting to actual conversations with him. It was all a matter of pretending it didn't bother me, and giving as good as I got.

But the thing is, it sometimes would get to me, and sometimes it wasn't stuff I could handle. Enough that he stopped being one of my go to people. I stopped texting first, and eventually his stopped coming. We stopped writing on each others FB walls. And then I got a new phone and lost his number and he didn't give it to me (even though its on his FB, I felt I wanted him to give it to me. People agreed with me).

But I missed him, a lot, because he was actually a nice, caring, intelligent guy.

I am slowly starting to try and reconnect with him. I still refuse to get his number off of FB, but I have chatted with him a couple times and written on his wall. And its still there, the jerky remarks, the sarcasm, everything. I don't know if its not so bad because he has gotten better or if its just small amounts because we haven't talked in a while, but it was easier to get to the guy that I know and like. a lot.

I honestly don't know why he does it. Maybe its how he flirts-that whole be mean to the girl you like thing. Maybe its a level of defense mechanism. Most likely, and what I know it to be as, it is his sense of humor and a product of being a guy. I do know that if he ever was serious in some of his remarks, I would completely stop talking to him. Period, end of story. I know what I am worth, and what I deserve, and someone who would belittle me and talk down to me is way below anything I expect from a man.

I think I am sharing this because I talked to him tonight and after a brief verbal spar, we had a great conversation about our jobs and where he wants to move if he could.

I also know that I like sarcasm and wit in a man. As whatever as this sounds, I like a guy who is a little not-so-PC. Is it alright that sometimes I think its okay to be a jerk as long as its kept within some boundaries? Finding that line and knowing that if it's crossed its no longer okay? I think so. I think its important to know your limits on what you will and will not accept in your relationships, intimate or otherwise, and be able to stand up for yourself and your beliefs.